Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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