This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
