well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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