thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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