and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
third nipple confirmed
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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