YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
