She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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