i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
