We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
