either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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