So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
