I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
