There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
