I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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