i already hear my dad disowning me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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