Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
