The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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