Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
