guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You ate ashes out of my bong
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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