I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
