You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Did I show you my penis last night?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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