No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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