At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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