she looked like the before picture.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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