I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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