I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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