is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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