At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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