dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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