I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
