Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
