i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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