haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
