it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
