I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
