So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's blow job season.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
