Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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