Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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