I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
