so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
