What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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