the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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