He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
