No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
