doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
