I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
