how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
