i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
