Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
