Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
