I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
